The feeling we try to escape.

Times were it went outside our control.
Hanging on to the last string of the rope.
Trying to do anything in the middle of everything.
Seeing part of your life flash before your eyes.

It’s not losing hope. It’s having hope when you know it’s almost over.
This isn’t emptiness; this is the feeling before it.
It’s the highest part of the roller coaster, and you’re trying to do anything to stop it. Seeing in front of your eyes the fall that’s coming.

You want to cry but have no time for it.
You want to give up, but at the same time, you’re giving it your all.
You want to lose yourself, but hold on and try to get through it.
Unsure of what you're doing but sure of what’s next.

This isn’t anxiety. Anxiety is when it’s in your head, and you get nervous over something that has only happened in your mind. But desperation is real; you get nervous trying to make sure it doesn’t happen. Anxiety makes you hit walls blindly, but desperation only happens when you see the rock at the bottom.

This isn’t giving up. Giving up tends to happen when everything is lost, and you don’t see a way to make it work or to get out of this hole. Desperation is hoping you can, right before giving up; you know if your last desperate attempt doesn’t work, you’re going to give up.

This isn’t anger. Anger is when you are seeking justice for something that was taken away. Desperation is the last attempt to keep that something before it's taken away. One says, “I lost it; now it is your turn.” The other says, “I will do everything to keep it.”

Just like being late to something unexpected.
Just like it’s slipping out of your hand and you never thought it would leave your side.
Just like trying to describe a feeling, but you know something is missing.

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Photo by Lawless Capture on Unsplash